It begins with a desire..........

My current “12 Step Life Recovery Program” and readings from “The Purpose Driven Life” ignited my desire to grow closer, obedient and Christ-like.  The last three years I began aligning myself with Jesus by removing things that created distance.  In October progressing in my 12 step I struggled with the subject of living together. To have this answered truthfully, stewed inside me.  

I dream of an authentic relationship with Christ. I prayed for clarity about the topic.  Continuing my 12 step and reading about my purpose in life, guilt would engulf me each time my boyfriend slept over. So, “Why would God provide answers now?” I was reminded of his grace and love from a friend, helping me maintain focus.
　
One evening while running, listening to praise music, I said, “God, I surrender to you. Speak to me and I will obey." I signed the deed.  As tears flowed from my eyes, a burden lifted and I was filled with peace.  Assuming God would give me the words to immediately tell my boyfriend my intentions not to live together, the opposite occurred. I struggled with how to share my decision, and for weeks God was silent.  The deeper into my 12 Step, the more difficulties I faced. Feeling abandoned and angry, I battled old habits and temptations. But as David did, I continuously encouraged myself through the Lord with scripture, prayer and fellowship.  Satan continuously attacked, causing self-doubt. It felt like my desire to be obedient would never come to pass. I couldn’t find the courage to make a stand and speak up.  I felt defeated.

One afternoon, reading and praying for clarity to my question, “Is it a sin to live together?” I came upon Psalm 119:27-30 and the below passage: 

Cause me to understand the way of your precepts,
 that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.
My soul is weary with sorrow;
 strengthen me according to your word.
Keep me from deceitful ways;
 be gracious to me and teach me your law.
I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
 I have set my heart on your laws.

“There is the matter of your testimony. The Bible says we should avoid even the appearance of evil. (Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 5:22) How does your decision to live together affect those around you? Our testimony affects how people view Christ and the church. Living together presents a poor testimony for Christ and his church.”

God undeniably spoke. He granted strength, courage and words to share with my boyfriend the end to sin and a beginning to a Godly relationship.
 
Currently, I have an unshakable desire to work with youth’s. I desire to share God’s work through me. It’s never too late to obey his commands.  I dream of speaking to children and loving them as Christ would. When I question my capabilities, maturity or knowledge in the truth, I’m reminded though scripture and others that I am enriched and knowledgeable through God.

Even when God Looks away He is Love ♥ ~

If you want to know how much you matter to God, look at Christ with his arms outstretched on the cross, saying, "I love you this much! I'd rather die than live without you."

Unfortunately, we forget the cruel details of the agonizing sacrifice God made on our behalf.  Familiarity breeds complacency.  Even before his crucifixion, the Son of God was stripped naked, beaten until almost unrecognizable, whipped, scorned and mocked, crowned with thorns, and spit on contemptuously.  Abused and ridiculed by heartless men, he was treated worse than an animal.

Then, nearly unconscious from blood loss, he was forced to drag a cumbersome cross up a hill, was nailed to it , and left to die the slow, excruciating torture of death by crucifixion.  While his lifeblood drained out, hecklers stood by and shouted insults, making fun of his pain and challenging his claim to be God.

Next, as Jesus took all of mankinds' sin and guilt on himself, God looked away from that ugly sight, and Jesus cried out in total desperation, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" Jesus could have saved himself-but then he could not have saved you.

Words cannot describe the darkness of that moment.  Why did God allow and endure such ghastly, evil mistreatment? Why?  So you could be spared from eternity in hell, and so you could share in his glory forever!

Jesus gave up everything so you could have everything.  He died so you could live forever.  That alone is worthy of your continual thanks and praise. Never again should you wonder what you have to be thankful for. ~ The Purpose Driven Life, By Rick Warren

Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)

Sometimes when you take the time to listen to a song, the lyrics that were carefully chosen to create that song share a story so perfectly clear, you can mentally visualize it.

Over the last few months I've been filling myself with the truth of God's Word. So yesterday morning, as I was driving to work, everything I've been reading, listening to and the personal journey I've been embarking on over these last months hit me at once, like a ton of bricks as I listened to the song "Glorious Day" by Casting Crowns.

I was reminded of the amazing LOVE and GRACE  Jesus has for us.  As the song reached the chorus, my eyes well up with tears and my heart fluttered as it was touched with something I have never experienced before - The Affirmation of Real Love - Genuine Love ♥

In that moment, I clearly understood the depth of what God sacrificed for me, so that I could live for eternity.  I've never felt a more "Authentic ♥ Love" than I did at that moment.

I give thanks and praise to such a loving, graceful and merciful God.  Thank you for sacrificing your Son so that I could share the joys of eternity with you and for making me part of your family. I humbly admit I need you. I ask that you fill me with the Holy Spirit each day so I can continue to trust whatever you place before me, remain faithful to your plans for my life and to surrender my life to you daily. The day of your return, will indeed be a "Glorious Day!"

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises

One day when sin was as black as could be

Jesus came forth to be born of a Virgin

Dwelt among men, my example is He

Word became flesh and the light shined among us

His glory revealed

Living He loved me, dying He saved me

And buried He carried my sins far away

Rising He justified freely forever

One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain

One day they nailed Him to die on a tree

Suffering anguish, despised and rejected

Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree

And took the nails for me

'Cause living He loved me, dying He saved me

And buried He carried my sins far away

Rising He justified freely forever

One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer

One day the stone rolled away from the door

Then He arose, over death He had conquered

Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore

Death could not hold Him

The grave could not keep Him from rising again

Living He loved me, dying He saved me

And buried He carried my sins far away

Rising He justified freely forever

One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day

Glorious day

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming

One day the skies with His glories will shine

Wonderful day, my beloved one bringing

My Savior Jesus is mine

Living He loved me, dying He saved me

And buried He carried my sins far away

Rising He justified freely forever

One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day

Glorious day, oh, glorious day

Time is a Gift ~

I had one prayer request, for my Tia to experience peace and to hear the truth about God's grace, love and promise of eternal life ♥ 

In texts and phone calls with my mother, she shared with me the following:

 ~ Just before I left, I asked Tia if she would like to accept the Lord as her Personal Savior and in her heart.  She had the oxygen connected to her, over her mouth and she nodded her head 'yes.'  When I asked her if she believed that Jesus Christ died on the cross for all sinners including her, she agreed, and nodded her head 'yes.' I held her hand and prayed, "Because you have accepted him, he promises you eternal life forever."  You will see mom and dad in heaven. It was beautiful. ~

 My prayer was answered.

God  granted me the gift of "time" Wednesday afternoon when I visited her, for it would be only hours before God would call her home. During my visit he offered me a sign that one day, her and I would be reunited.

When God speaks, He speaks LOUDLY ~ I had purchased my Tia flowers, and when I picked them up, all the buds were closed. When I arrived at her bedside I had placed the flowers on the back counter of the room.  Halfway through my visit I moved them to the window sill next to her bed. Tia slept my entire visit.  And although her breathing appeared labored, she looked peaceful in my eyes.  I believe this is how God intended me to see her.

I treasured my time with her as I sat on her bed, holding her hand, sharing stories about Tia with Matt and my Mom.  And during the entire stay, I kept praying to the Lord, in my mind and with my heart. As it came time to leave,  my eyes glanced at the flowers and I had noticed that one of the buds had opened.   I smiled and said, "It opened."  I don't think Matt or Mom knew what I meant or even if they heard, but I believe that this was God telling me, "Go in peace.  This life on earth is temporary.  Your Tia will have a new life, an eternal life, where no sickness will touch her body. She will be at my side."

I kissed her cheek softly and said goodbye.  I had wished to hear her call me "Cheena" one last time, but I reminded myself to be thankful for what God granted me thus far.  Amazingly my gracious God was not finished!  I did get to hear my Tia speak,  through my mom. The last few visits mom had with Tia she shared how Tia would ask her, "Where's my Cheena?" Each time mom repeats those words in the tone and manner in which my Tia speaks, I can hear her. She sounds exactly like her.  Although that night the Lord took his child home, my heart is filled with joy, knowing that we have such a loving Heavenly Father who died for each one of us and that if we believe and receive him, we will have eternal life when we leave this temporary home. 

My day transpired perfectly, because it was exactly how God planned it.  He fulfilled my prayer, my desire to see Tia one last time and comforted me when I learned she was no longer with us.

I must confess, that I almost didn't visit Tia that day because I thought work needed me more than I needed to be with her.  I thought I'd have time to see her over the weekend.  It took me to learn of another family's loss to put things in perspective and to remind myself of the following passage from the book, "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren:

"We need to show love by giving our time.  Because when we give someone our time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back.  Your time is your life.  That is the greatest gift you can give someone.  Why is now the best time to express love? Because you don't know how long you will have the opportunity.  Circumstances change. People die. Children grow up. You have no guarantee of tomorrow. If you want to express love, you had better do it now."

I love you Tia Andy ~ I will always be your "Cheena" ~



Hello 2013 ~ a little late is better than never

2013 will not be about a “resolutions” because I realized they usually don’t stick. I tried last year and although I did keep several, “PROMISES” have a deeper meaning to me.

My 2013 New Years Promise - “To place God first in every aspect of my life with complete and total surrender.”

In allowing him to lead my life, EVERYTHING else will fall into place, as he sees fitting.

~ I will love others with all my heart; be of service to ones in need; forgive when it feels impossible; be humble in what I do, be an example through my actions and words and serve HIM.~

Since my new life began I've concluded that -
2010 was about second chances and removing negativity from my life. 2011 was discovering the things I needed to help me begin my journey into 2012; which was about healing and evolving into a healthier (emotionally and spiritually) me. It was also the year I realized I needed to depend on something more than just “me”.

I began a life recovery program. It is teaching me self-love, forgiveness to myself and others, accountability and awareness. Because of this, I’m re-kindling deeper and more genuine relationships with my children, family, friends, partner but most importantly - GOD.

I’m overly excited to see what 2013 has in store for me, and I can’t wait to share my journey and how God work in and through me. ~ Happy New Year ~ Make it a count!

The 4 "R's" ~ Refocus.Reprioritize.Recenter.Renew.

Over the last year there have been events that have put me where I am at this moment. Over the last few months I've had this "tug" at my heart. Over the last couple weeks there have been circumstances that have brought me to ~ TODAY ~

And today, I continue to remove distractions that "pull" my focus away from being a woman of Integrity and a woman of God.  It's time start anew and to fill my life with truth. Below are some tips that I've found to be helpful.

~ REFOCUS ~ Assess my current situation and priorities.  Pray on what needs to be corrected. Listen to the voice of God. Don't dismiss drastic changes that may seem unreasonable or difficult to let go of.  If they are that difficult, I've placed too much attachment upon it.  Tweak my mind and allow changes.  Be open to God's direction.

~ RE PRIORITIZE ~ God must be first.  My day begins and ends with him.  Find balance in my life. Remove negative influences that may hinder my growth. Remain aware of what affects my attitude, my thoughts, my actions and my desire to be better.  Continue to allow my spirit to grow with prayer and daily reading.  Keep my passion for God strong with awareness of what tempts me to further myself from my relationship with him.  

~ RECENTER ~ Return to my place of blessings. When I begin to feel overwhelmed by life I need to remind myself of all my blessings. I must think differently. Reflecting and gaining perspective is only one step in the process but it is valuable and important. Rid what hinders my growth. Anything that has more influence in my life than God is an idol and moves me away from God. Moving away from God distances me from righteousness, stability, wisdom, peace, and contentment. 

 

~ RENEW ~ I must change the way I think. I need to surround and involve myself with an uplifting group or community. Engage in activities that encourage the changes I want to make. Develop relationships with those who have common goals and interests as I do. Change my habits.  Change is one of the most difficult things to do because we are comfortable with our "old self".  Do not settle for pseudo and/or temporary happiness or pleasures. God wants more for us than that and deep down, so do we.  

It is never to make lasting changes, so why not start now? God loves us regardless of what we've done. I've learned that your past does not define you. Ask for his forgiveness and accept his unconditional love. He wants nothing more than to shower us with his AMAZING GRACE, MERCY and L♥OVE.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 ♥

New Month. New Beginnings.

New month, New beginnings, New changes. Make it count. Don’t Regret. Remain positive. Never look back. Keep moving forward. Reach your goals. Remove negativity.  Be patient. Appreciate others. Cut loose what brings you down. Be honest. Don't be passive. Accept the good with the bad. Stand up for your beliefs. Challenge yourself. Make a choice. Follow through. Let your character shine. Accept responsibility. Do what you say. Persevere. Practice consistency. Be genuine. Speak the truth. Allow change. Keep your promises. Conquer your fears. Release anger. Respect others. Value yourself. Live with integrity. Make amends. Be disciplined. Stay focused. Live ethically. Remove guilt. Inspire others. Express thankfulness. Never lose faith. Be confident. Watch your actions. Forgive yourself. Embrace humbleness. Forgive others. Be accountable. Allow emotions. Choose your words carefully. Be an example. Demonstrate compassion. Believe you can. Set boundaries. Learn from each experience. Show LOVE towards yourself and those in your life. Life can change in a split second so make each second count ♥