Living for The Day ~ Even through My Brokenness ♥

 

In my brokenness, I am blessed to have My God close to my heart.  For the bible says in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." 

I choose to seek His path and at times there is pain and difficulties that goes along with being obedient to Him. I'm beginning to view it as growing pains, like when we heal from a broken bone or another type of bodily injury.  For that part of our body to become strong again, we have to experience the pain of growth and healing. I believe in time my pain will serve a purpose.  Not a purpose designed for me but for Christ.


Last weekend my church concluded a two part monologue series about judgement day called, "The Bema" which is a fictional dramatic production inspired by the biblical principle in II Corinthians 5:10; "That we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due to him for the things done while in the body."  You can read more about The Bema at Bible. org - The Doctrine of Rewards: The Judgment Seat (Bema) of Christ.  This monologue shed light on the choice's I've been made in my lifetime.  But more so, the choice's that I'm making now.  The monologue concluded with these words in prayer, "Lord, this day forward, I vow to stop living for today, but to live for the day!"

My choices do matter, especially the way I choose to live my life which has been gifted to me.  The poor choices, those that go against God's commands will have consequences.  I can not blame anyone for my choices for I alone am responsible for each one of them, as I've made them on my own free will.

When I choose to make the right choices, the hard choices, the ones that go against what society views as acceptable, it may be very difficult, it may cause hurt and my heart may break in the process, but the end reward, the eternal reward far outweighs my temporary happiness, satisfaction or appeasement to others.

What I've come to understand is that so often we choose a temporary fix over our eternal blessings.  These temporary things and fixes will not have any substance in eternity; and those temporary things and fixes are just that, "temporary."  The satisfaction we attain only lasts for the moment, for a short time, and as time passes that feeling of satisfaction will fade like everything else that lacks substance.  This temporary way of life becomes and endless cycle of insanity.

My journey will continue until I am called home to my Creator, my Father, my God.  He is a loving one, even during times of hardship.  I've had to deal with tragic events in my life, several losses, a ton of hurt and many heartaches.  Today I see how each of those experiences are serving a purpose in my life. Things and quick fixes are temporary, many that have caused much of my pain. I must keep my focus on the eternal; and that is Christ.  My eyes are fixed on the long term, not what can make me feel satisfied for the moment.

I no longer choose a temporary life, but choose a life that an eternal one.  I no longer choose to live for today, I choose to live for "THE DAY." 

It begins with a desire..........

My current “12 Step Life Recovery Program” and readings from “The Purpose Driven Life” ignited my desire to grow closer, obedient and Christ-like.  The last three years I began aligning myself with Jesus by removing things that created distance.  In October progressing in my 12 step I struggled with the subject of living together. To have this answered truthfully, stewed inside me.  

I dream of an authentic relationship with Christ. I prayed for clarity about the topic.  Continuing my 12 step and reading about my purpose in life, guilt would engulf me each time my boyfriend slept over. So, “Why would God provide answers now?” I was reminded of his grace and love from a friend, helping me maintain focus.
　
One evening while running, listening to praise music, I said, “God, I surrender to you. Speak to me and I will obey." I signed the deed.  As tears flowed from my eyes, a burden lifted and I was filled with peace.  Assuming God would give me the words to immediately tell my boyfriend my intentions not to live together, the opposite occurred. I struggled with how to share my decision, and for weeks God was silent.  The deeper into my 12 Step, the more difficulties I faced. Feeling abandoned and angry, I battled old habits and temptations. But as David did, I continuously encouraged myself through the Lord with scripture, prayer and fellowship.  Satan continuously attacked, causing self-doubt. It felt like my desire to be obedient would never come to pass. I couldn’t find the courage to make a stand and speak up.  I felt defeated.

One afternoon, reading and praying for clarity to my question, “Is it a sin to live together?” I came upon Psalm 119:27-30 and the below passage: 

Cause me to understand the way of your precepts,
 that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.
My soul is weary with sorrow;
 strengthen me according to your word.
Keep me from deceitful ways;
 be gracious to me and teach me your law.
I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
 I have set my heart on your laws.

“There is the matter of your testimony. The Bible says we should avoid even the appearance of evil. (Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 5:22) How does your decision to live together affect those around you? Our testimony affects how people view Christ and the church. Living together presents a poor testimony for Christ and his church.”

God undeniably spoke. He granted strength, courage and words to share with my boyfriend the end to sin and a beginning to a Godly relationship.
 
Currently, I have an unshakable desire to work with youth’s. I desire to share God’s work through me. It’s never too late to obey his commands.  I dream of speaking to children and loving them as Christ would. When I question my capabilities, maturity or knowledge in the truth, I’m reminded though scripture and others that I am enriched and knowledgeable through God.