Tuesday, February 12, 2013

It begins with a desire..........

My current “12 Step Life Recovery Program” and readings from “The Purpose Driven Life” ignited my desire to grow closer, obedient and Christ-like.  The last three years I began aligning myself with Jesus by removing things that created distance.  In October progressing in my 12 step I struggled with the subject of living together. To have this answered truthfully, stewed inside me.  

I dream of an authentic relationship with Christ. I prayed for clarity about the topic.  Continuing my 12 step and reading about my purpose in life, guilt would engulf me each time my boyfriend slept over. So, “Why would God provide answers now?” I was reminded of his grace and love from a friend, helping me maintain focus.
One evening while running, listening to praise music, I said, “God, I surrender to you. Speak to me and I will obey." I signed the deed.  As tears flowed from my eyes, a burden lifted and I was filled with peace.  Assuming God would give me the words to immediately tell my boyfriend my intentions not to live together, the opposite occurred. I struggled with how to share my decision, and for weeks God was silent.  The deeper into my 12 Step, the more difficulties I faced. Feeling abandoned and angry, I battled old habits and temptations. But as David did, I continuously encouraged myself through the Lord with scripture, prayer and fellowship.  Satan continuously attacked, causing self-doubt. It felt like my desire to be obedient would never come to pass. I couldn’t find the courage to make a stand and speak up.  I felt defeated.

One afternoon, reading and praying for clarity to my question, “Is it a sin to live together?” I came upon Psalm 119:27-30 and the below passage: 

Cause me to understand the way of your precepts,
 that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.
My soul is weary with sorrow;
 strengthen me according to your word.
Keep me from deceitful ways;
 be gracious to me and teach me your law.
I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
 I have set my heart on your laws.

“There is the matter of your testimony. The Bible says we should avoid even the appearance of evil. (Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 5:22) How does your decision to live together affect those around you? Our testimony affects how people view Christ and the church. Living together presents a poor testimony for Christ and his church.”

God undeniably spoke. He granted strength, courage and words to share with my boyfriend the end to sin and a beginning to a Godly relationship.

Currently, I have an unshakable desire to work with youth’s. I desire to share God’s work through me. It’s never too late to obey his commands.  I dream of speaking to children and loving them as Christ would. When I question my capabilities, maturity or knowledge in the truth, I’m reminded though scripture and others that I am enriched and knowledgeable through God.

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