Love is......♥

As part of a class assignment I was asked to write a paper on "A Love Worth Giving" by Max Lucado and how it's impacted me personally. Below is the paper I will turn in. I plan on writing another Blog that will go into deeper detail as to how it has changed my view on what love really looks like to me, but for class I was supposed to limit the paper to 300 words ~ That was impossible to do and I have so much more to share. 

When I began reading this book I had no idea what to expect. Even reading the first few pages of chapter one I didn’t know how it would or how I could apply it to my life. I thought I knew what “love” was and I guess to a certain degree I did, at least from the viewpoint of society, from what I was taught from my parents and all my other relationships. I could even possibly make excuses when we I was ridiculed, degraded, made feel less than by saying, “Well, that is the way they show they care for me. That is how they show their love.”

After reading this book, I’ve come to the conclusion that the only excuse we can offer is that, they themselves can’t give what they have never received. In order to love, we have to first have love deposited into our lives. Receive first, love second. As I went through each chapter and read what each part of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 truly means, I reflected on my life, and how each act of love was missing from my life, and what I could do to correct it going forward.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

This book has given me the tools of what it means to love, how to love and examples of what it looks like. I’ve learned I need patience with others by not making a judgments on a behavior or circumstance until I’ve taken it all in and listened and have a heart of understanding. In patience, I become kind. Giving allowances for my and others shortfalls I show kindness. It’s taught me how to let go of envy and comparison. I must allow God to fill me with his love and remove my desire to rely on fulfillment by others. Filled with Gods love, I’m reminded what God has given me, and it’s only because of His will, not mine. As I accept this in total humility, I see past myself and see others for the beauty they possess. I learn how to respect who they are and treat them in a respectful manner, without rudeness. As I remove envy and rudeness I learn to love in a non self-seeking manner. I look toward them and keep eyes off me and my desire turns to do what benefits others.

Jesus who was perfect in loving others was repeatedly rejected and ridiculed but we didn’t often see him angered. And when he was angered, he did not sin. I will seek Christ in my times of rejection. I will seek his acceptance to diffuse my flame of anger. His love, grace and forgiveness teaches me to keep no records of wrong. He does not track my shortcomings, instead covers them with His grace. I choose to do the same toward those who have hurt me in my past and who will in my future.

More than anything I want to point people to Christ because of what I have experienced in his presence. In my past I’ve done things to drag others down. If I’m not uplifting, encouraging with truth and love, I’m not loving others. I think at times when I brought others down I was trying to play God and conform them because I didn’t like certain parts of them, a habit, personality trait, the way they dressed or spoke. Love accepts the whole package - flaws included, just as God accepts me wholly. When we have difficulties accepting the whole package, it’s easy to point it out to others by gossiping or in other harmful ways. Today I try to protect others from being torn down, and often find that the best way to do this is through silence and not engaging in the gossip. If I don’t have anything encouraging or uplifting to say I keep my mouth shut. God uplifts us when we need it, he gives hope and encouragement and I choose that path.

In protecting others, we say we believe in them. We may not like their habits, they may not be the most moral person, but believing in change within them can be powerful. Giving hope to others can break down walls that once seemed unbreakable. Our endurance to love others, not giving up on them, even when we are exhausted or in our own hopelessness can be encouraging and affirms we loved them enough to never give up on them.

Those we love will fall short but, one thing we can can have certainty in is that - Love Will Never Fail in Christ. If we cling to his love, fill ourselves with Jesus, when those moments of hurt, disappointment and pain enter our lives, in Christ we will rise because LOVE NEVER FAILS.

 

Little People have Loud Voices!

Who would ever want to admit that they lacked character, integrity, morals or values.

As a parent, would you ever want to admit this? And what if the person  who revealed this to you were your children?

I know I didn't want to admit my lack of parenting skills.  Yet for so many years, this was me and in the end my greatest teachers were little people in my life.

They taught me how damaging taking that extra drink of alcohol was as one of them would pick up the bottle at an early age.  They showed me how my  unhealthy relationships effected their relationships with others.  They opened my eyes to how lacking respect and love for myself, resulted in a lack of respect and love for themselves. They showed me how I spoke and responded toward them, when I saw how they responded and spoke to me or others.  They pleaded for me to love them and when I didn't they learned how to isolate. All along, I thought was loving them, but in reality I had hurt them.  

Sometimes the greatest teachers in our lives can be "our children."

As I began my journey and turning away from a life of unhealthiness, the results of my choices from my past came with some very big price tags.  My selfish ways of life, living for me and what benefited me, left long-term damaging issues that may never be resolved or may take a lifetime to repair.  My children endured unnecessary suffering at that time, but today I do have hope that it will be used for good.  It hurts my heart, I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes well with tears as I write this because I can feel the pain they must have gone through.

This morning I read something from Rick Warren: 

~ Hope isn’t the same as optimism. It isn’t the belief that something bad will turn out well. It’s the absolute confidence that every part of your life ultimately makes sense regardless of how it turns out this side of eternity ~

I have hope that through my selfishness, through the hurt and pain I've created toward others, that God had a miraculous plan for it. I have faith and hope that He has a plan for restoration not only in my life, but my children; and now is my time to work to restore those relationships.

What we do as parents impacts our children's lives do deeply.  Love them. Speak to them gently. Hug them. Praise them. Pick them up when they fall short. Do not condemn them. Teach them Integrity, Love, Values, Morals and Honesty.  

Of my three children, God has blessed me with a mini me. A miniature Tyza who has been unfortunate to experience a lot of my personal life hardships in her short 15 years.  She by far has been the most visually and vocally of the three to open my eyes to the pain I created because of my choices; and that is a sobering feeling.  Today I'm amending my past by the choices I make today.  I can't change what has transpired in the past, but I can be a woman of integrity today and for the rest of my life by choosing to live my life differently.  Thank you Boo Boo for the Love you give me each day, even during a time when I was difficult to love.  God blessed me with you on PURPOSE!

“We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” ~ Romans 8:28

A Legacy of a Life Filled of Integrity

Sometimes the choices we make in life have severe consequences on us.  What can be even worse about some of those choices, is how they make effect others who are a part of our life.  Depending on where that other person is in their life, it could have a deep and lasting effect on them.

When we choose to say things without thinking of the consequences of our speech, we can cause a deep emotional hurt to others.  When we choose pride over humility we exalt ourselves above others.  The choice to say things that lack the whole truth can have a damaging effects on our authenticity, credibility and integrity. This will tarnish relationships quickly. Soon you may find that you no longer have genuine relationships, but relationships that become simply put, "FAKE". All of these will have severe consequences on a person's most important value - INTEGRITY.  Because integrity encompasses everything of who our true character is made of.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Consequences of our Negative Words
Words cut like a knife. We are not made of steel. We feel the blow as it cut into us, wounds us and even possibly internally bleeds us.  How deep the blow, the amount of pain we endure, how much and long we bleed is all dependent on how equipped we are to deal with such an attack.  And sometimes regardless of how prepared we may be, we may be so blindsided by it that we are sure to feel the hit and have lasting effects of it.

Words are like using a permanent marker on a wall. Even if you try to erase it, you can still faintly see what was written.  If you try to cross it out, you know it is still there.  If you try to white it out, it still remains underneath.  If you try to delete it, it truly will never be deleted from memory. So let's try to remember that the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Do not think you are better than you really are.  Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Romans 12: 3

Consequences of Pride
Pride makes us God.  We were made in God's image, but that doesn't mean we are God, nor will we ever be. God is God.  I never truly understood this until I read a book about Humility. When we give into the rah-rah of personal accomplishments, desire personal praises of our accomplishments from others, put ourselves above the care and kindness of others we fall into Pride.

Once you exalt yourself in that manner, you may be humbled.  And when that happens, others will not see you in the same light they once did.  You loose parts of your integrity along the path of Pride.

Romans 12:3 says, "Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Do not think you are better than you really are.  Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us."   

This is a great reminder that we must view one another as equals.  No one man is better or less than the other.  When we give into pride and begin exalting ourselves, we find it easy to point out the flaws of others, to compare where we think we are better or less than the next person, and to judge others because we see our way of doing things as the only and correct way of doing things.

There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:  Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood,  A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil,  A false witness who utters lies, And one who spreads strife among brothers. Proverbs 6:16-19

Consequences of the Lack of Truth, Half Truths or Exaggeration
Isn't the foundation of any relationship honesty and truth - "Telling the Truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help us God?"  How many times have you shared a story and exaggerated the truth? Maybe you added a few details to liven up the story?  Perhaps you added or subtracted some numbers to give better results? Or perhaps you omitted a few details to avoid dealing with the consequences of the situation at hand.  There is one word for this - LYING.  

If  this practice is continued, it will most likely become a habit. A habit you may not even realize you have developed.  I love the following quote I read by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“Sow a thought and you reap an action;
Sow an act and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit and you reap a character;
Sow a character and you reap a destiny.”

Lies begin with thinking about how you can twist the truth to get the outcome you desire. We sometimes lie, tell half truths or exaggerate because we are insecure. We think if we lie about the circumstances of a situation that person will be more accepting toward us.  We may lie because we think it may be the only way to be loved.  We lie because we are prideful, feel shameful, embarrassed and so on.

Can you see the negative outcome of each trait? Sooner or later you may even begin to believe your own lies.  Worse, is that the lack of truth, half truths or exaggeration will flow into other parts of your life and will become your life.  When challenged about the validity of your speech, you may become argumentative and disagree completely because you've convinced yourself that you are always being truthful. Your frustration will come from the fact that you really believe what you are saying is true, when in actuality, it is just another character flaw you acquired.

Consequently, you will begin lose authenticity, creditability, and integrity in the eyes of others. Those who may not know you probably will not be able to notice this, but those who are close to you are surely to see your true character in a moment of weakness.

Therefore, be truthful in all you do.  Learn to speak the truth in love and without sin. My favorite scripture about truth is written in John 8:32, "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." With freedom comes a sense of calm and peace.  When you practice truth, you will find that you have both in your life.

“Integrity is keeping a commitment even after circumstances have changed.”  ~ David Jeremiah 

Consequences of Lost Integrity

•  Integrity is speaking the truth intentionally and wholly.
• Integrity never cheats, steals, circumvents or pilfers.
• Integrity keeps it's word - you follow through, you are faithful, you do what you say.
• Integrity lives by principles. You stand up for your beliefs regardless of the outcome.
• Integrity is a person who is humble, dignified, and wise.

Anything that goes against the above list compromises your integrity.  And the consequences of lost integrity is to be known as a liar, thief, cheat, hypocrite, inconsistent, unreliable, undependable, dishonest and unethical person.


Soon you may find yourself doing things to "look good" and this becomes more important than being honest. When you make promises, you may follow through in the short term, but long term stability can not be guaranteed.  You will find yourself in competition with others and taking care of your needs which soon become more important than others.  Instead of just being "good" at something you may begin to feel the need to be "perfect" at something.

Without integerity you may never feel complete, content, satisfied, happy with yourself, relationships or life all together.

Integrity is your true character, it is the real you. It's doing what you say, when no one's looking.  It's sticking to your commitment even after circumstances have changed.  It's going against the persuasion of others and standing firm in your beliefs even if it causes tension. It is the solid set of values and principles you live by. Integrity will display your character that will shine so brilliantly that people will see the authenticity, credibility, and truth in your life.

A life filled with integrity is a fully lived life.  Leave a legacy of a Life Filled of Integrity